


Anomalous San Francisco

by LMTYL__Lye



Category: Gravity Falls, Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Cryptid Hunting, Gen, Mentions of Death, Mild Swearing, Mystery Twins, Post-Canon, San Francisco, mentions of gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMTYL__Lye/pseuds/LMTYL__Lye
Summary: “Eye-witness reports, though few, indicate the beast is drawn to the sounds of altercation.  Public opinion on whether it is some sort of vigilante or merely attacks the most aggressive human is divided.”“Gonna need you to translate from Nerd to English for me, Fordsy,” Stan replied with a smirk.Stan and Ford Pines received a lead: a large humanoid figure hunting the streets of San Francisco.
Relationships: Grunkle Stan & Grunkle Ford
Comments: 6
Kudos: 89





	Anomalous San Francisco

The Stan O War II was docked in San Francisco; inside, Stanley Pines spread a new tourist map of the city across the boat’s small table while his brother Ford brought up the relevant electronic mail on his newfangled cellular telephone.

“Dipper says the creature has been linked to disappearances and... headless bodies?!... in the more dangerous parts of the city,” Ford said, reading his great-nephew’s letter. “Eye-witness reports, though few, indicate the beast is drawn to the sounds of altercation. Public opinion on whether it is some sort of vigilante or merely attacks the most aggressive human is divided.”

“Gonna need you to translate from Nerd to English for me, Fordsy,” Stan replied with a smirk.

Ford’s mouth twitched up to a matching smirk as he brought up two of the six fingers on one hand, before dropping back into seriousness. “For reasons unknown, this humanoid creature is attacking—and eating—criminals, almost exclusively. One anecdote states that a woman was being mugged, but then black tentacles shot out of an alley across the street and pulled her attacker to a massive figure standing in the alley. Police found what was left of the mugger on the rooftop overlooking the alley. Let’s just say, the results weren’t pretty.”

“Yikes. I’ll try not to pickpocket anybody while we’re in town.” Ford stared at Stan incredulously. “What?” 

“Can you  _ please _ take this seriously? Some sort of anomalous entity is hunting humans in a populated city!”

“Correction: it’s hunting street thugs and lowlifes.”

Ford set his phone down with a thunk, before slamming both hands down onto the map. “Stanley! We don’t know where this monster draws the line! If it even does! It could just be hunting based on the sounds of struggle, or the scent of fear!” He sighed. “I don’t want you to get hurt. Think of Dipper!  _ He _ sent us this lead; he’d be devastated if it led to  _ us _ getting harmed!”

Stan gave a sigh, too. “You’re right. We’re so close to home, too. I want this face to look  _ beautiful _ when we go visit them!”

“That’s the spirit,” his brother said, somewhat sarcastically. Picking up his phone, and picking up in mood, he turned it to Stan. “Along with the few blurry photos of the creature, their letter included Mabel’s rendition of it eating her brother.”

Stan wiped a fond tear from his eye. “That’s my girl.”

—

That night found the pair of brothers walking through some of the unsavory neighborhoods of San Francisco, each with a blaster pistol hidden under their coat. With the chill off the bay, everyone they passed was wearing multiple layers of clothing, so nobody looked twice at the slight lump on their hips, or the extra sway in Stan’s coat from the brass knuckles in his pockets.

Ford held the map, which was now marked with the known locations of their target’s victims, along with areas highlighted to check out. The Tenderloin district was a fair walk from their boat, and uphill at that. Stan was regretting not taking a trolley or taxi up to their hunting grounds, despite the cost.

Spotting a small coffee shop ahead, Stan gave his twin a nudge. “Hey, hows about some coffee? I’ll sit on the bench out here and, uh, keep watch for  _ Tall Dark and Hungry, _ and you go buy the drinks!”

Ford raised an eyebrow. “I see what you’re playing at, you old cheapskate. Fine, I’ll pay for coffee. But you better still be  _ right there _ when I get back.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” Stan was embarrassed by how much more energy his brother seemed to have, but if Ford wanted to assume he just wanted to people-watch and spend somebody else’s money, why correct him?

He took the map from Ford and tried not to groan when he sat down. Man, these hills were murder on his knees! He followed their route on the map, occasionally glancing up at the dark rooftops across the street. They were already in the “low probability zone” his brother had marked, with a medium zone within that, and then high in the center of their data points. Ford had tried to talk math at him when they were working on the map earlier.

The people who walked past were depressingly normal. San Fran had the reputation of being colorful and gay, but at 10pm all he saw were tired faces and drab raincoats. A policeman stopped and stared at one point, but apparently Stan didn’t look homeless enough to bother.

Soon enough, Ford was back, two piping-hot coffees held in six-fingered hands.

“Thanks, bro. So, what’s our plan of attack?”

Ford leaned down to study their map. “These streets run through the medium-to-high probability zones, which are where we are most likely to encounter the creature based on available data. Our best option is to search these parallel streets, listening for sounds of fighting and watching the alleyways and rooftops.”

“Great, more walking.”

—

For the fourth night in a row, the strangers were hunting  _ Their _ streets. They were used to the occasional street gang, police patrol, or cryptid hunters. But these two old men, grizzled, armed, confident, were different. There was something distinctly unearthly to the pair, despite looking and smelling human.

The pair looked almost identical, and followed the same routine as the previous nights: coffees in hand, they entered Their territory from the same direction, and searched up and down the nearby streets for a couple hours before leaving the way they came. The mysterious duo would stop and cautiously observe any scuffle or drunken confrontation, and on a few occasions cut over to the next street to investigate a commotion. Hunting.

Tonight, They decided, curiosity would win out over caution.

—

For the first time in their investigation, Ford drew his blaster. Stan barely turned in time to see the bluish-white bolt of energy shoot down the alleyway beside him and splash against the brick walls, illuminating the dark crouching figure like a flash of lightning.

Stan Pines was glad the kids weren’t around to hear the words that came out of his mouth. Ford would’ve glared at him, except he was  _ not _ foolhardy enough to take his eyes off the monster.

**“Cute toy, old man,”** said the creature as it straightened up and leaned towards them. In the dim light of the sidewalk, sleek black skin shone like oil, and huge blank eyes sat above a mouthful of fangs. A fleshy red tongue tasted the air like a snake.

“Not another move,  _ Klyntar, _ ” said Ford as he flicked up the setting on his blaster, “I’ve fought the kind of things that would give you nightmares.” Behind him, Stan copied with his own blaster.

It cocked its head.  **“Surprisingly well-travelled, for a human. We do not recognize your weapon.”**

“Anybody wanna clue me in, here!?” Stan decidedly did  _ not _ like this anymore. Anything big enough to make him sympathize with a gnome was already bad news, but this thing was talking like a person!

“Extraterrestrial, carnivorous, parasitic—”

**“NOT A PARASITE!”** It snarled and jerked back into the shadows, and Ford unflinchingly kept his blaster trained on its chest.

“—and the host underneath its biomass is likely human, judging by the size and shape. I’ve been innoculated against such a possession, so I doubt I’d make a very enjoyable meal for it either.”

**“We don’t want another host,”** it sneered,  **“we were merely curious whether the pair of you were aliens playing tourist.”**

“Ironic, something like you mistaking us for aliens.”

“It sorta makes sense,” Stan chimed in, “since we’re twins and you probably stink like a different dimension.”

Ford grunted in vague agreement. “The more pressing question is, why are there Klyntar on Earth and what do we do about it? People are in danger.”

**“There is only Us, none more.”**

“Bullshit. Where is the rest of your hive?!”

**“Back on the comet where the scientists found Us. It is probably out of this solar system now,** ” the creature said calmly.

“Feeling lonely, are you? That why you’re talking to us instead of, you know…” Stan asked it.

**“Maybe a little. Maybe interested in swapping stories with another traveler.”**

Ford looked slightly thoughtful at that. “As fun as that sounds, what guarantee do we have that you won’t attack us?”

The creature grinned.  **“We only hurt Bad Guys.”**

Before Stan or Ford could reply, it began to shrink down, mouth opening to reveal a human face, gooey black flesh congealing like a scarf around the man’s neck. A smaller, more snake-like version of the monstrous head appeared peeking out of the mass, and the man grinned at them.

“I’m Eddie,” he jerked his thumb toward his chest, “and this is Venom. There’s an all-night diner a few blocks east of here, if you wanna chat. The staff already know I’m weird and the food is decent.”

“Uhh…” For once in his lifetime, Stanford Pines was at a loss for words.

“Sounds good, kid! We got quite the story to tell!” Stan gently pushed down Ford’s blaster and stowed his own back inside his coat. “Try anything fishy and I’ll punch your head clean off your shoulders though,” he added cheerfully.

**“Fair enough,”** came that same deep voice from the creature’s small head.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote all of this last night. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
